I am not going to feel guilty about walking away from you after all of the emotional abuse you have put me through. I am not going to feel bad about cutting you out of my world, just because you were there for me growing up.
I am not going to let our history tether us together for any longer. You don’t seem to regret any of the hurtful things you said to me, so I am not going to regret leaving you.
You should know this separation is temporary. This is not something I am going to get over after I have a few years to cool down. This is not something we are going to laugh about in the future.
The only reason I gave you so many chances before is because you are family. If we weren’t related by blood, then you would have been removed from my life a long time ago. I wouldn’t have put up with the way you treated me. I wouldn’t have forgiven the horrible things you said to me.
If we weren’t family, I would have left the first time you insulted me. I would have deleted you from social media sooner. I would have avoided you every time you walked into my line of sight. I would have erased you from existence.
You might think I am being unnecessarily cruel, but you have seen the nicest side of me. The side that loves. The side that cares. The side that has tried so fucking hard to set things right between us.
But nothing is working. Nothing is changing. We keep butting heads day after day. You keep hurting me, no matter how many times I convince myself it might be different this time around.
I am finally ready to give up hope of us ever getting along. I am finally willing to let go of the idea of having a happy family.
You might hate me for leaving, but I have to do what is best for myself. Being around you is bringing out the darkest pieces of me. Pieces that scare me. I don’t want to be miserable anymore. I want to find happiness, and that can only happen without you.
You can keep trying to crawl back into my world, but I don’t owe you anything. Not a text message on your birthday. Not a gift during the holidays. Not an invitation to my wedding.
As far as I’m concerned, you are dead to me. At least, the person I I knew is dead. I haven’t seen that person for years now.
I don’t care if you’re family, I don’t care if others will judge me for removing you from my world, because I am allowed to walk away from anyone who disrespects me. Who sends nasty texts. Who ruins holidays. Who brings out my worst insecurities and causes me to lose sleep at night.
I am allowed to say goodbye to someone who has brought me nothing except stress and anxiety and paranoia lately, even if that person was close to me as a kid.
I am allowed to hate you, even though a part of me will always love you.
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